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| hey guys...sorry i keep on disapearing! lol well yeh i sed i was back on track,well im not things r going shit.im losing control over everything in my life.i feel like im going crazy. well im gonna take a break from xanga...please please dont 4get me tho evry1!! i seriously do need u guys,but i dont wanna post my failiurs on here day after day....i love u all so so much!! and i WILL be bak b4 u know it!! kisses my girlys an guys!!! xxxxxxxx  | | |
| hey evry1!!!
im back on track!! yay!!!!! lol iv only had 1 good day,but its what i needed 2 start me off again!! god it feels good! haha
well...i was planning on fasting 2day,but then changed my mind,coz i knew i would end up binging!  so instead i had.....
1salad with cucumber,lettuce,carrots,apple and vineger=all neg apart from vineger= 50??
a few forkfulls of rice and meat thing= around 200 (exagerating)
TOTAL=250...gnna give it 350 just in case coz im not sure bout how many cals i actually had!! lol
omgggggggg....my mum took me 2 the doctors 2day,it all went towards my diet.The doctor was all like,have u even made urself sick,dont deprive urself in order 2 lose weight blablabla she was full of shit,i lied obviously lol,dont think she believed me tho!! she didnt say anything though so yay!! hehe.Got sooo pissed at my mum tho!!! lol
wen the doc asked if i had ever made myself puke,and i said no she then sed if i was lying coz my mum was there,and my mums all like,no if she ses she aint she aint,she doesnt care whether im here or not coz she does watever she wants whether i like it or not! hahahah das good coz my mum doesnt suspect a thing now!! lol
mmm...what else,yeh i didnt go skool went with my sis 2 get her hair cut,she looks beautifullll now! hahah omg yea my sis....
ok,last week i stayed over hers at uni 4 a night yeah,her bf was there 2,i was sitting on the floor and he was on the bed and he saw my arm and the cuts by accidnt,he was like wat da fuck is dat!?!? i was like fuckkk and sed i had scatched myself on a fence in my friends garden and i thought he believed me,till i spoke 2 my sis the other day on msn and shes like stay the fuck away from sharp things and stop cuttin ur arms!! i was like  fuckkkkk and i 4got bout it after dat,told her the fence thing and thought she had 4gotten it 2.Till last night,i was lying in her bed with her and she started crying,saying that evryday she cries and hopes 2 god im ok (she lives at uni not with me) and that i dont take the cutting thing 2 far and cut where i shouldnt and i start eating coz im killing myself an dat she knows what its like coz she went thru similar things wen she was younger etc etc.I felt like a complete selfish bitch,i hate 2 know that im makin my sis suffer coz shes like,the person i love most in this world,like we dont get on as sisters more as best friends,just closer,and yeh i felt like a bitch.I kant help it tho...im not gonna change no matter wat.
well people im off!! if any of u have msn add meee!! ************
im not gonna post tips or icons till i get more coz my mum deleted them so...lol
bye evry1!! stay strong! xxxxxxxxxxxxxx | | |
| hey evry1...sorry 4 not commenting in so long
well...iv screwd up so so so badly,im never gonna get back on track,or thin by summer.i hate myself so much.i dont get it,evryday since i fasted iv screwd up.why? god fucking knows.i hate this.i weigh 147lbs now.wanna be 120 lbs by summer.i kant do it tho,even if i fuckin starve myself,i only have 5 months,dats not enuff time,besides as im a fuckin fat greedy cow,i kant starve myself.i wanna fuckin cry.also my fuckin retarded bitch of a mum deleted my thinspo & tips and shit like that folder on my comp.yay,evrythings going so well 4 me.god i hate this.how much is it possible 2 lose in 5 months guys?? plz plz answer that.Ok...from 2morrw (i already fucked up 4 2day) im gonna stay under 400 cals,its a lot i know,but i kant do any less!! ughhh i wanna fucking scream!!!!!!!!
ok ppl please...if i eat under 400 cals evryday 4 five months,how much can i lose? is it possible 2 lose 27 lbs!?!?!?! 5 months...plzz answer!! i need u guys!!
well...im gonna go comment all u guys coz i havnt 4 ages coz i aint been on...byee!! i love u lot soooo much!! stay strong ur all doing amazing!!!! kissssssss!!
TIP=do the opposite of evrything i do.... | | |
| hey guys!!!
man....i feel so so fucked up! i like fast 6 days,nearly 7.Then binge 2 days in a row,wat the hell is wrong with me?!?! at least i puked it all out i guess,still a fuck up tho  .Yesterday i dont think i got all the food out,i hope 2 god i did tho!! and 2day maybe,duno,i purged till blood came out which im guessing isnt 2 good....
man...i cant believe i cut myself yesterday,its like,im not a cutter!! i dunno wat the hell came over me!! it felt good tho,coz it was like punishing myself 4 being such a pig and eating.Also,after wen i was gonna eat YET AGAIN i pressed my arms where they wer cut and didt even step in2 the kitchen lol.Dunno why i liked it,fuck im scaring myself!! lol.
well...i started my thinspo scrapbook thing 4 wen i kant go on2 my comp! yay!! lol i spent all last night gettin stuff from magazones,all 2day cutting them properly and shit,den was i was bout 2 put it all in,i realised i didnt have any glue! hahah oh well...buy it 2morrow i guess!
I weighed myself dis mornin by the way!! ok b4 the fast 147pounds pounds,dis morning 141pounds.Gonna weigh myself again 2morrow tho coz as i b/p so....
i think im gonna go on another fast,not sure though...iv realised its easier 4 me 2 fast then 2 eat low cals,coz like if i go near food i just start eatin & eating,if i fast i dont go near it and das it....what do u guys think??
man im so tired its 4:52 am here....lol dunno why im still awake!! and i gotta wake up early 2 pick my mum up from the airport coz shes bak from spain!! das good and bad,itll be harder 2 fast with her around!! ugh....ah well
anywayz ppl im off im not very talkative 2day lol. bye hunniz! stay strong!! xxxxxxxxxxx
TIP=Keep a thinspiration book. If you're not reading it, work on it, and if you're not working on it, read it. And if you're in between, think about it.
10 things 2 help you fast...................
1.) spend the whole day in your underwear
2.) run everyday
3.) stay out of the kitchen
4.) when you get hungry clean the toilet or cat box
5.) do your hair
6.) paint your nails
7.) do 100 situps once an hour
8.) take a shower
9.) look at your double chin
10.) tell your self the truth and that happens to be that you're a fat ass
love u guys xxxxxxxxxx
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| hey evry1!!!
omgggg ur comments were all soooo sweet!! they made me feel so fuckin great! like iv had really low confidence since i was like 8 or 9 and u guys like made me all happy!!!  i love u lot!! hehehe.
i didnt update yesterday coz ma sis didnt let me go on the comp by the way...!! ugh...
well...i screwed up,big time,not actually that fucked up about it tho!! ok by that i mean my fast...well yeah,as u kan probrbly guess i had no will power at all and ate! but i lasted 6 days and something,not that bad i guess 4 my first fast rite?? i lasted till 6:30 pm 2day.my original goal was 2 go 7 days,then changed and to 10.next time i guess... well,i ate,nearly had a binge,but then thought,wat da fuck,iv eaten nothing 4 days,nearly fainted loads of times,2 screw it up on one day!?! fuck that!! haha i ended up having.....
1 biiig salad!!= all neg cals tho apart from the 2 boiled eggs i put in =160 cals
1 snacka jack=50 cals
1 low cal biscuit=19 cals
TOTAL=229 cals.
i planned on having less but hey...il make up 4 it i guess.
despite what i had i still feel like super dizzy and shit! ugh.....well yea il weigh myself 2morrow i hope 2 god iv lost!! i guess i have had 2 but still...!!!i was 147 lbs b4 the fast...
my dad is soooo annoying!!!!! damn,i ate the salad right in front of him so hed shut da fuck up!! lol it worked!! hahah.he was calling me 2 help him with sommn and i was like wait im eating hang on,and hes like nooooo its ok eat dont worry! i was like wat da fuck den realised heleft me coz he wanted me 2 eat!! heheh
well yeah..dunno wat else i kan tell u guys! hehe eeem....my sister thinks im gonna become diabetic coz my gran was it and i drink sooo much coke,what do u guys think!?!
ok im off coz im prob boring u guys outta ur minds!!hahaha bye evry1!! i love u all so so so much!!! heheh kisses stay strong!!!! MUAKSSSS!!
omg yea i 4got!!!! i used 2 be a size 16-18 (uk sizes) and now i sorta fit in2 a 12!! well...i kan tell im a 14 but yea i fit in2 it! i was so shocked! i tried on ma sisters trousers 2 like depress myself so i wouldnt eat and they fit me,i was like huh!? hahah i was sooo happy!! i havent been able 2 waer a size 12 since i was like 11 or 12!! (i put on a hell of a lot of weight then lost some when i was smaller!!) yay!! heheh ok im off now!! heheh byeeeee!! xxxxxxxxxxxx
TIP=If you live by yourself and prone to binges, buy only the food you need for the day. That way if you eat it, there isn't anymore.
The Girl You Don’t Know
You hear her hunger pains in the back of the classroom
Everyone stares, and wonders
But it doesn’t even cross their minds
Not from her, she’s not skinny enough
What they don’t know is that it is her
Its her that’s starving and dying on the inside
From the figure she sees in the mirror
And the number that appears on the scale.
Each day passing by worrying about the intake and workout
When she binges she purges
Guilty over food
Sweet, beautiful Ana and Mia
Who would think its her
What else they don’t know is how she got the scars
Cat, bushes, nail, burns . . . all excuses
She cries herself to sleep every night
Cutting away the pain
Tearing apart what she sees in the mirror
Each day is a living hell that gets worse and worse
And each day sitting in the back of that classroom
Hungry, hurting and in pain
The girl you don’t know i love tht sooo much!! i found it ages ago on some1s xanga...
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im a worthless piece of shit,worked so hard 2 fast,then went an fuckin binged.yay me.puked some out,dont think i got it all out tho,kant get anything else out tho.i wanna die i hate myself.I dunno wats happening 2 me,i just cut myself 4 the first time,fuck knows why iv never done it b4,dunno what i planned getting out of it.apart from punishing myself 4 being so weak.comment u all 2morrow.xxx | | |
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